Thursday, December 31, 2009

I'm Not Sure Where This Came From

"I love because I love to be loved," said an old friend of mine once. That has stuck with me for a long time. She said that we all long to give ourselves to someone. And she was right. She is right. You get what you give. If you don't give your entire self, they will never show you their entire self. And believe me, my hearts, everyone wants to see you.

People want to know you. They want to know who you are, what you like, where you come from, the places you've been, the things you've seen. Someone is going to ask you. They want to know about your scars and how you came to be who you are right now. We've all got our stories, right? I, personally, would like to hear yours.

My friend also said that staying mad is never the answer. Again, she's right. Hate is easy, the saying goes. Love takes courage. Judging someone with one glance...oh boy. That's a mistake I make on a daily basis. I'm human, I guess. We're a fallen people, right? I know this but I still can't help but beat myself up over that kind of stuff. Realizing the hate that I so often show... That sends a sharp pain right through my heart. I'm not even kidding you. Hate and anger... I couldn't bear it. We shouldn't ever hold on to those things for too long. They could destroy our very being. Am I right?

Love easier and more freely, I say. You'll find a peace and tranquilty you may have never known before. An abundance of joy. Being well stocked on joy could mean sharing it to those around you. It does mean sharing it.

Look. Things happen. Bad and good things. We have no control over any of it. You get the hand your dealt and you play the cards you've got. A good card player can rise even with the worst cards in his hand, I assure you. Bad things happen so we don't take the good for granted. We need those slaps in the face sometimes. The good things? Well, you deserve those whether you believe it or not. You're good. You're worth it. Don't you fret, my heart. Remember that "tough times don't last but tough people do." And that "everything happens for a reason."

Lately, I've been trying to live fairly. Taking what I need and nothing less. It's an art that's hard and nearly impossible to perfect but isn't just about everything? As long as we try hard to be better people, we'll be just fine.

Who you are right now, where you are right this second, the people you know and love today, don't ever take any of it for granted. The choices you've made and the things you have and haven't done make you who you are. And who you are is wonderful. Who you are is absolutely beautiful. So that word--regret? Leave it behind and don't you ever look back. Don't dwell in the past, my friends. And you know what? While you're at it, you can just throw away that rearview mirror you've got in your head. You won't be needing it where you're going. Where is that? Some place great, I just know it.

You have what it takes, trust me. Whether you believe you're strong or not, you are. I don't care what you say or think. I'm right. This life you lead will get hard. Really, really hard. It's not going to be easy but the people in it will be there to help get you through it. They were sent to you for a reason. And this may be hard to believe for you, but you were sent to them for a reason, too. You need them and they need you. How 'bout them apples, right?

Please understand that you have what it takes.

Keep moving forward, darling. You're doing just fine. There are some really wonderful moments and memories to be made and you'll be late if you just keep sitting there.

"Live for the possibilities, not the guarentees," my wise friend told me, "and be who you really are inside."

Please, never stop dreaming and reaching for that goal. No matter what they tell you. No one knows what they're talking about so don't listen to anyone.

Cry a lot. Believe me when I tell you, it'll keep you from going plum crazy. Laughing, too. Laugh till your abs go numb. It will not only help you, but it'll infect everyone around you. It's the greatest disease God ever made, in my opinion.

Above all, keep following Him. He likes to keep secrets, mind you, so you won't know where he's taking you. However, I'm confident that if you did know, life wouldn't be so exciting. He knows where you're going and so that is where you keep your trust. Right there. In Him. He's got you. You're His.

So am I. So is your neighbor. So why not love each other like we were all His, eh? Love, my hearts. Love hard. No, that's not going to be easy either. Some days, you aren't going to feel like loving. But you will...because that's what love is. Sometimes it'll hurt. I know it will. For some, it's going to hurt really bad but please never stop. I swear to you it's worth it. It's what's going to keep this world alive. It is the very reason we were created. Our very core. I believe love will be my greatest accomplishment in this life. And that's the truth.

And lastly, don't you dare settle for anything less than you deserve. You deserve A LOT, my friends. Please remember that. Remember what I'm telling you. You are worth being fought for, being loved unconditionally, being happy beyond belief, and being wanted. I promise if I find out you settled, I'll hunt you down. I'll come get you and drag you the hell out of there by your ear. I'm telling you that right now.

Live happily, don't sweat the small things, and whatever you do, do not hold back.
You'll be just fine, my love. You're doing just fine.

Thank you, Lindsey Salles, for inspiring me.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Getting Sentimental Over You

It's people like my mom,

and my brother,

(Photo by Miss Elizabeth Cowan)

and my roommates...

who make me feel I'm worth being loved.

These are the four people who probably know just about everything there is to know about me. All right, maybe not every detail... but so painfully close, it isn't even funny. All four have lived with me so they know me at my worst, at my best, at my happiest, at my saddest, at my angriest, at my laziest, etc. Most importantly, they see me when my guard is completely down, when I'm most vulnerable, and when I am 100% real.

The simple fact that they still love me, makes me realize that I'm worth that...because I have that. You know? Does that make any sense to you?

I was just a second ago, while sitting here on my bed, reading my book that this really hit me. They know me at my absolute worst. My worst and my ugliest. They've seen me at my very lowest and they STILL love me. That means something, right?!

It was like this little brick from up above smacking me in the face saying, "Look who you've got, silly girl!"

I'm not saying that no one else makes me feel worth being loved! That is certainly not the case. I just know that these four people are the four that know me the most out of anyone on Earth. Therefore, they have seen me when I'm not so pleasant and smiley, you know?

I'm so thankful for them! You have no idea!! I'm a blessed girl, I truly am. I don't deserve that kind of love for a second, but they give it to me unconditionally anyway, that's for sure.

My mom, my brother, Stephanie, and Ashley tell me everyday that I'm worth it. Worth all of it. The fight, the happiness, the love... They tell me that every single day of my life even when they don't say it.

Thank you, my hearts. I could never repay you for all that you have done and all that you continue to do for me...but I'm sure as hell gonna try. :D Love you!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

B O B Storytime

The other day, Bobby was with my mom at the bank. He had come to a conclusion at school that day that most people are afraid to make eye contact. So he decided to do a little experiment.

While standing in line, he stared at random people to try to get them to catch and hold his eye contact. "Everyone would look at me and just look down immediately," he said. He did this to every person in there. Bobby would just stare the tar out of 'em until they noticed the creepy little high schooler watching their every second. At this point, they were probably super freaked out and decided to ignore the awkward situation all together rather than figure out what his creepy deal was.

If I were them, I would have done the same thing.

Though the scenario could always have gone that there was a lonely lurk in there. He sees Bobby staring at him and, out of curiosity, stares back leaving Bob freaked out and regretful that he ever tried this experiment. I, personally, wish that would have happened.

Why do I wish that? Because now Bob tries to do it in various places. New Orleans' Seafood and Hamburgers, for instance. There was a man to the left of us dropping the f-bomb every other word and rambling on about how Tiger Woods was right for cheating on his wife because, "Hey! He's a millionaire! He can do and have whatever he wants!" Bobby decided to stare him down. Just stare at him until he noticed. I kept swatting at the kid trying to get him to stop because my face was hot and I probably looked as red as a strawberry. Finally he did but the damage had been done. My heart was beating so rapidly and my blood pressure had dropped so low that I couldn't really even eat... Okay, that's a lie. I could totally eat. Have you ever had the fries at New Orleans' Seafood and Hamburgers?! nom nom nom...

This is a habit of my brother's that I need to stop immediately before this ends badly.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Creepy Cat Lady

I just wrote an entire post about how much I love and miss my cats. Then I realized I actually dedicated a full blog entry to my cats. And after rereading and revising it a few times, I came to the conclusion that there was no way to get around the creepiness of that. I basically became the crazy cat woman... Like Angela from The Office....Oh, dear

I voted against posting the freaky cat post.

Look, I'm just saying that one of my favorite things about coming home is getting to see my pets. My Lucky and Smokey. There. That's all the creepiness I'll let out.

Now here they are...

This is Smokey.

And this is Lucky.

Yes, I am fully aware that this blog is still all about my cats.
Yes, I am fully aware that that makes me creepy.

I just really, really missed them!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Reunited with my brother

I've met and heard a lot of funny people in my life. For some reason, though, no one makes me laugh quite as hard as my brother, Bob.


His stories are my absolute favorite! I'll tell you one.

So the other Sunday, my brother read the second reading at our parish church for six o'clock mass. He went into the back sacristy to look over the reading in preparation before mass started. When it was time for him to go, he stepped up to the podium and read through pretty flawlessly. Feeling confident, he paused after the reading and recited, "The Word of the Lord." Except it didn't necessarily come out like that. While tripping over his words and stuttering a little, Bobby said, "The Lord of the Word."

In embarrassment, he stepped down from the alter and shuffled back to his seat. On his way back, he caught a glimpse of mom who usually sits in the front row. He described her face as a face of aggravation. "You would have thought I offended the entire Catholic Church," he recalled. I wasn't there, but I know that face. Probably a face of scorn because she thought he did it on purpose.

This is where I start crying laughing. I only react this way because I can just picture all of this in my head and it's hysterical.

Bobby has a reputation of doing things like that on purpose. It would take a lot of persuasion on his part to try and convince her that it was an honest mistake.

But just picturing my mom puckering her lips and squinting her eyes at Bob's ruby red face leaves me in hysteria every time I think about it.

*sigh* It's good to be home.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm still here!

Boy, have I really been neglectful with this lately!

This weekend some friends and I went to Houston to go meet Ree Drummond, also known as, The Pioneer Woman.

Pretty, right? More like gorgeous!

In case you were wondering, she's super sweet. I believe that when God created her, He literally included sugar, spice and everything nice. For real.

Cray-Cray, Deutsch, Libbs, JaseFace and I had a really great time. It was the perfect way to kick off finals week!

Oh,'s finals week, by the way. I am currently in a classroom at the church studying a little Geography and a little Western Civilization. You know...NBD. Well, right now, I'm talking to you. But before and after some serious bookage (I made that word up) is going down.

PS - A girl just knocked on wood on her way out because she said she has been dropping everything today except for her computer. I don't know why I felt like I needed to tell you that.

So anyways, Houston was fun. Ree was better. The car ride home was fantastic.

This week has not been super bright but I'm living by faith, trust and pixie dust so I'm pretty much invincible at this point.

Sorry about the uneventful mess that is this entry! Good luck to all of you this finals week and keep up the good work! I'm praying hard for all of you darlings!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Breaking the Devil's Back

I realized today, just now, while walking to class that I subconsciously avoid stepping on cracks when walking. I realized I was walking pretty awkwardly when I would take big steps and small steps and practically tripped over myself a couple of times. There was no pattern or rhythm to my stroll which is what caught my attention.

I was literally stepping over and around cracks in the cement. I'm pretty sure I do this everyday. I've always walked that way for as long as I can remember but it was just today, just now, while walking to class that I figured out what the heck I was doing.

Of course, I don't ALWAYS avoid cracks. That would be intense. However, I believe once I think about it, I start my weird habit.

Why do I do this? I don't struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so I'm feeling like that isn't it.

Am I really afraid I'll break my mother's back? Hmm? No...I don't believe that's it either.

But maybe it is...maybe I believe that bad things could happen if I slipped up and stepped on one of those bad boys. I mean, hey, ever since I was a little tot, I was always warned about those darn cracks... Sometimes it was either your mother's back or the devil's back. But that's a 50/50 chance you could break your sweet little momma's spine. She carried you for 9 months and you're gonna chance hurting her like that?! As victorious as breaking the devil's back would be...I love my mom.

All I know is that they always told us horrible and unimaginable things happened when people stepped on those breaks in the sidewalks.

So maybe I'm convinced that if I were to step on one of these crevices, it would open up and swallow me and everyone around me. Or maybe a huge bolt of lightening would strike someone down the second I broke that rule. Or a nuclear war would start. Or some huge beautiful forest would burst into giant, uncontrollable flames and ruin peoples homes and towns. Or some kitten would die. Or... okay...I'll just stop there.

Maybe it's just a habit. A weird, unexplainable habit. Yeah, that's it.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Roger the Rodent

It was my first night at my grandmaw's this past Thanksgiving holiday and I was getting ready for bed. I was rooming with a cousin and was going to bed way after her so I was trying to be quiet as to not wake her.

I got all comfy and closed my eyes when I heard a scratching noise from the ceiling. My eyes shot open. My dad warned me about this when he picked me up earlier that day.

"I think there's a rat in the ceiling. He kept me up all night with his loud scratching."

*Goes weak in the knees.* "So much for sleeping," I thought.

And sure enough, the little rodent was there. Scratching and gnawing and making me sick to my stomach. I kept having visions of him coming right through the ceiling. I pictured a huge, cat-sized rat landing right on top of me scratching and biting while trying to get away.

That's it, I was wide awake. Got up to use the bathroom at one point and realized he was actually either in or on the other side of the wall I was sleeping next to. Lucky me.

On the other side of that wall is a porch-esque room that isn't visited very often. I guessed he was living in there and was trying to get some place warmer because it was freezing outside? I have no idea. Does it really matter?

I mean, a hackin' (not a real word) rat was trying to get in my room.

The rat and I became close. I named him Roger. After Roger Rabbit because, I'm tellin' ya, he was the most persistent thing I've ever met. I don't ever remember him quitting with the clawing.

Finally, I fell asleep. I fell asleep in fear.

Roger didn't come back the next night, praise God. I still stayed up though. Why? I stayed up because I knew that at any moment he would come. The moment I least suspected, he'd start it up again. And if I wasn't prepared, I would freak out. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, even when I was prepared I was freaking out...

Anyways, I finally fell asleep that night, too. Again, I fell asleep in fear.

That darn rat.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving Antics

Every year since before I can remember my Thanksgivings have been spent in Ponchatoula on my grandmother's farm. My great aunt and uncle from Texas are usually always here, my great aunt and uncle from Washington are pretty much always here, and a couple of distant cousins from various places come some years. My dad, his three brothers, and their wives are always here. My grandmother, of course. And then her seven grandchildren.

The long time tradition is that one night before Thanksgiving we all sit down and play a fun game of Liverpool Rummy. It's my favorite card came in all the land. I have so many great memories at the card table. I've been playing since I was about 11 or so. Also, I'm the reigning champ of 2007. (We didn't play in 2008 because none of the aunts or uncles could come in.) This year, however, I passed my title on to my father who beat us all pretty badly.

But the thing about this year is that it was my brother's first time playing without a partner. Usually, the little kids will want to come play and even though I was only 11 when I started playing on my own, the game gets really complicated so we usually partner them up with one of the adults playing. The thing about Bob and games is that he's super-ultra competitive so when a game of strategy, patience, and deceit comes along, he can get a little...passionate.

He's a Kyle. We're hot-blooded folk. What can I say?

I thought the child was going to have an aneurysm he was stressing out so bad. He would pound his fist, make his face turn red, and scream randomly like he had a tick...

People, it was frightening.

He was completely immersed in the game.

Finally, in the last, most stressful Liverpool Rummy hand Bob went out. (Which means he was the first to get rid of his cards. It's a good thing. You get zero points. In Liverpool Rummy, points are bad.) I thanked God up above because I don't think he would have slept had he lost that hand. It was really getting to him. He was making all of us really nervous...Freakerzoid...

Yes, I said freakerzoid. No, I'm not twelve.

That's not the only thing going down in Ponchatoula. Just wait till I write about the rat friend I've gotten the privelege to get to know at night since I've been up here. That'll be a real treat for ya!

Wishing you all a Happy Turkey Day!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Books, books, books

So my "To-Read" pile has been growing increasingly larger in the past two months. I mean, good grief!

So it started when I ordered I Believe in Love

and Redeeming Love

on Amazon a while back. And I had full intentions of reading both. I've technically been reading I Believe in Love for two months... I open it randomly throughout the week but I've been preoccupied. Except not really...that was a lie. Sorry....

Redeeming Love was really not what I expected. It was really cheesy, idealistic, and kind of far fetched. I was hoping for a romance along the lines of A Walk to Remember. Redeeming Love was just not what I was looking for. Though I never finished it, I feel like I gave it a fair chance.

Then No Hitter let me borrow First Comes Love by Scott Hahn

from him a while back which I have really been wanting to read. I just feel guilty because I haven't finished I Believe in Love.

And it's the same story with Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

that Cray-Cray recommended to me. It was on sale at Barnes & Nobles for five buckaroos so I bought it. Now it's just floating around my room. Cold. Lonely. Neglected.

I am terrible.... I am a terrible girl.

That's not even the end. THEN there is Dear John. A romance novel by Nicholas Sparks.

I tried getting into that one at the beginning of the school year but couldn't for the life of me. I went to the New Moon midnight premiere the other night (That movie is another blog in itself, by the way) and they had a preview for the movie Dear John and it looked really good so now I HAVE to read it soon.

Lastly, and certainly not least is the Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind. I read the first which was fantastic and I've been itching to read the second. Hello?! Have you seen my "To-Read" list?! There isn't much action... It's love, faith, love, spirituality, love, family, love, romance, and love. Yes, these are all critical points in my life that should be worked on. But can't a girl have a few battles and adventures somewhere in the mix? I'm gonna go ahead and answer that question for you. "Yeah, girl. Hit 'em wit a kitty wig."

Thank you.

So that puts Stone of Tears on my list.

And I think I've decided to just go ahead and bump it to number one WITH I Believe in Love. That way I can read both and move on with my list...and my life. :)

What am I going to do with myself? Open a book, I guess.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I get picked on sometimes.

Let me set the scene for you. I'm sitting on the floor in my room, hair a mess, in my favorite boxers and a sweatshirt, chilling out with my computer, and trying to watch Little Nemo on YouTube. I'm just minding my own business. Then creeps in #1 who proceeds to pin me to the ground. Closely following is #2 with her laptop which is blaring Christmas music...

Panic sets in. I start trying to fight but #1 is an extremely strong woman and I'm...well...I'm just not. Christmas music is screaming from that doggone computer while both of my roommates are trying to make sure I don't get to it. I fought my absolute hardest to stop the foolery but #1 had me in one of her grips of death and #2 kept rolling on top of me. After much struggle I ran away with the laptop and that was the end of that.

The panic was due to the fact that I don't like celebrating the Christmas season when Christmas is not, in fact, in season. The day after Thanksgiving is when this beloved, spirited season is suppose to begin. For me, it's not a day before because I like to preserve the spirit. It's a special time for me and I get pretty hardcore Christmas.

My roommates know this and have made me their usual...

I love Christmas holidays just as much as the next person but let's not forget that wonderful day we celebrate in November. What was it again? I forget... It has turkey, I know that. Do you remember what I'm talking about? Is it...Thanksgiving? Yeah, that's it. Thanksgiving.

Franco's Song

This song is called Franco's Song by brotherbrother. OH. MY. GARNIT.
It's about's the most beautiful song ever...

You’re with me now,
Every part of me somehow
Is yours, for evermore;
I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us.
When I invite my heart to dream
There is only one face I see…
Only you came
Everyone but you changed
I’ll never go home alone again.
So figure this
Silent circumference, of love
Here and now
Heaven kisses the earth somehow
For us…
Come and see the dignity
The crown of creation here with me
Humbly we lay our hearts down low
There is nowhere but up to go…
Only you came
Everyone but you changed
I’ll never go home alone again
Without you, by my side
Only you came
Everyone but you changed
I’ll never go home alone again.

You can listen to it on their Myspace page.
brotherbrother on Myspace.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Demon Update

I'm just going to go with the theory that my friends will love me no matter how cray-cray I am.

With that being said, I would just like to let you all know that my apartment is now a safe haven. It has been blessed by a priest as of 10 o'clock this morning. So I know you were all scared...but no more worries. My home is and will always remain demon free. Plus! Now 210 has some fiya holy water! Woo-hoo!

I moved my bed, the statue of La Pieta, my tazer, and everything else back to their original spots.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Angels & Demons

Anyone ever seen that new movie Paranormal Activity?

If you haven't, then don't.

I saw that movie Saturday night and I am creeped out, you guys. No, for real. Ask my roommates. I have gotten to the point where most of the lights need to be on in the apartment, and I'm sleeping with three rosaries under my pillow. I'm walking around my apartment with a hammer, and I'm sleeping with my tazer. I can't be alone in the apartment. I even moved my bed up next to #1's last night. Plus, I'm sleeping next to our little two-foot statue replica of La Pieta.

Oh, AND we have a priest coming Tuesday night to bless our apartment.

Listen, I am NEVER scared like this for movies. I'll be a little jumpy and freaked out during but afterwards I can just laugh it off and go about my merry little way. Not this time and it's REALLY frustrating me. I can't imagine how #1 & #2 are feeling about this. #1 wasn't in town Saturday night so I made #2 sleep with me.

The movie was just so realistic, I guess? I don't even know... I know that I won't get possessed by a demon. I'm fairly confident that I'm so wrapped up and protected by my Father that nothing could hurt me. But the possessed girl in the movie is what freaked me out. Things like that have really happened. There are such things as exorcists and their job is to drive demons out of people and places...

I mean...this is the image I keep seeing in my head after seeing the film.

I may be crazy...I don't know. I'm just pretty terrified, okay?

Promise me you won't go see that movie.

Oh man, I'm investing in a night light...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Whole Truth

I went to traffic court today.

Let me just tell you, it was quite an experience. Luckily for me, I was not being prosecuted for anything. Remember that car accident a while back? Well the woman who hit me was being prosecuted and my mother asked me to go to court to testify as a witness. I was a bit nervous going. Deutsch let me use his car. I drove around for about ten minutes trying to find a darn parking spot. Finally, I found one over in Western Russia by a parking meter. I put ever cent I had into that little sucker.

I parked at about 8:55 AM and court was scheduled for 9:00 AM so I power walked like a mad woman to the courthouse. When I walked in, I went to the big sign that tells you what floor everything is on and looked for my courtroom. Courtroom 1087. Of course, the board had no information regarding its whereabouts so then I started to worry. At that second, the maintenance man came up to me and asked if I needed help. (God is amazing, isn't He? People are good.) I politely and embarrassingly asked him where my courtroom was and he gave me directions on how to get there.

Taking the elevator was fun. Jam packed with lawyers, scary people, and that wonderful fragrance of cigarette smoke. Yippee!! The woman next to me didn't know English and kept asking me questions in Spanish that I couldn't understand. I just made up questions she could be asking in my head and answered those. Tried to do some made up sign language to break that barrier and wound up smacking the guy next to me in the shoulder. He had a tear drop tattooed on his face... I almost peed myself. The Hispanic woman looked at me like I was a complete idiot and walked off the elevator muttering Spanish things to herself. I giggled because Spanish spoken angrily is really funny....or maybe I'm just a child. Either or.

I got to the courtroom which was packed with people. The second I opened the door, everyone's heads snapped to look at me. (They did that to every person that walked in after me, I observed.) There were two seats available. Either next to the guy with the dreads who looked like Li'l Wayne's long lost twin or next to this little blonde woman with a floral jacket on. I chose the woman specifically because I figured she'd be more likely to answer any questions I was probably going to have about what was going on in the courtroom process and Li'l Wayne's brother looked like he wanted to shank me. I wanted to apologize to him for making him so angry. Then I realized I didn't do anything... THAT'S power, I'm tellin' ya!

I looked around for the lady who hit me but couldn't find her. The process didn't start til 9:30 AM. I spent the half hour surfing the internet on my phone, staring in awe at the big, intimidating lawyer men, and trying to eavesdrop on cops to hear the jokes they were saying. Turns out, the woman never showed and they issued a bench warrant for her arrest. NBD.

Look, I thought I was pretty gangsta but I don't have anything on her. So thug nasty...


This weekend I worked an overnight retreat. I don't know what the retreatants got out of it but this weekend was amazing for me. Without going into too much ranting and raving, I went through a lot of healing this weekend. I was reminded of so many things I had forgotten. For instance, do you remember when I blogged about Captivating a while back? Well, I read the book over the summer and highlighted points throughout it. Turns out that everything I highlighted this summer was all directly related to what I am going through now. It was as if Summer Kelly had left me (Fall Kelly) a message.

I only read that book four months ago and I had already slipped away from it's message.

This weekend called forth from me the femininity and tenderness that I had put back on the shelf a while ago. Various people and circumstances called me to rise up as a woman of God and as a sister in Christ.

My heart is really attached to this new sense of sisterhood between me and my girl friends. I feel like I know now that I need them now more than ever and that they want to be my support. I feel very safe and at home in this rediscovered sisterly love and I'm sorry that I had forgotten about it.

I have decided to challenge myself to live each day with the feminine softness and grace that was given to me at the beginning of my existance. To be strong in my vulnerablity and to let myself be pursued by Christ, Most Holy. I'm letting his love and adoration be enough for me.

I have a long, long way to go. I know this blog was kind of everywhere. (I'm an ENFJ. Give me a break!) I am still on a road to peace of mind but this weekend was the exact push I needed to fight for it.

Message recieved, my Jesus. Message recieved.

Hope you all had a beautiful weekend!

Friday, November 6, 2009

I Do Believe in Fairies

I was a fairy for Halloween.

I had wings, a wand, and a tutu!

I now want to be a fairy when I grow up. A pretty, graceful, dancing fairy! I would be just like the fairy in that picture. With flowers and sparkles and lots of pretty colors. I would heal people. I could fix any physical pain. I would sing lots of pretty songs, too. I would totally rock as a fairy.

The fairy outfit is now not only my favorite costume I've ever had, but it's also my favorite outfit I've ever worn. I would like to wear it to my classes and to the mall and to Wal-Mart. Everywhere.

I would love to be a fairy :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Tickle Torture

210 has been a war zone lately.

It's #1 & #2 versus me. Actually, come to think about it, it's ALWAYS #1 & #2 versus me. Can someone explain to me why that is? Am I an easy target?

It started Monday, I think. #2 brought me home as usual. I'm in my room walking around getting ready for bed. You know, the usual. Well, the two little rascals come in and start ganging up on me. So there's nothing left to do except threaten their very lives. So that's what I did. NBD. I said something like, "You don't know where I've been....I'll shank you." Something along those lines...

It's schwhatev really.

So then they start tickling me. Now, you guys, I have YET to meet someone more ticklish than I am. Sometimes just the threat of tickling me tickles. (Tickle is SUCH a weird word...)

So tickle torture. Cruel, merciless tickle torture.

The tickling didn't stop until I was obviously fighting to breathe. Which could have caused me to pass out. Or put me into cardiac arrest. Either or. NBD.

So I went to bed in fear. Do you know what that's like? To go to sleep scared for your life? You don't know if you'll wake up the next morning. You don't know if you'll see the light of day ever again because someone could come in at any minute and tickle the very life out of you.

Anyways, the same thing happened Tuesday night. And then last night, too.

My only weapon at this point is screaming bloody murder because the only thing that scares these two besides my threats is the threat that they might get evicted for being too loud. NBD.

By the way, I'm looking for a place to stay tonight...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


This is #2.

She's my other roommate.

She is also my sister.

Some definitions of a sister are; a female friend or protector regarded as a sister, a female fellow member, as of a church, and a woman who supports, promotes, or participates in feminism.

I would say she fits the bill for all of that.

Now, the first things I think of when I think of #2 are grace, tenderness, and beauty. She's one of the most feminine women I know. She carries herself with such a tender love. She brings out my most womanly qualities.

I always tell #2 that she has a huge heart. She does! She's so loving and nurturing. But even with all this grace and gentleness and care, she's one of the strongest women I've ever met. Even in her weakest moments. And like the definition states, she's a protector.

As my sister, her sheltering nature kicks in whenever she sees that I've been hurt. And she's like that for all of her sisters.

There is one thing that hurts my heart about #2, though. And that would be that she is fully, completely, and absolutely unaware of the beauty that she possesses. I mean, no lie. She doesn't have a clue. She's not dense either so that's not an excuse... It's just humility. But really, her humility amplifies her beauty that much more! This one day we were at daily mass. I like to sit in the front row because I can't concentrate any place else. While I was praying, I looked up just in time to see #2 going up to receive the Body and Blood of Christ and can I just tell you how breathtakingly beautiful she was? I know how wrapped up her heart is in God's hands. She's His girl. She is completely His. I've seen her faith and I've seen her love for her Father. And to see her up there with was just indescribable.

#2 is a true representation of godly femininity. I've learned and am still learning from her heart. I am so blessed to be so close to her much less know her! I look forward to our sisterhood strengthening. And I look forward to watching her grow even more into the marvelously wonderful woman she was born to be.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Madea's Family Reunion

Watched Madea's Family Reunion the other night and this quote has been running through my head ever since I heard it...

"We had a love so strong that it just seemed like we were one. I
would get ready to tell him something and he would open his mouth and
say the very thing that I was fixing to tell him. And then there were
those moments when I would lay my head on his chest just to listen to
his heart beat. And then one night I re
alized that his heart beat
matched mine. I have had an opportunity that few people ever get on
this earth. God has blessed me to share time and space with a man that
He designed Himself just for me. I've not only been blessed.. I have
been divinely favored." - Myrtle

Monday, November 2, 2009

PostSecrets of the Week

(Translation; I'm studying Hindi, so that when I meet your parents, I can tell them I love you.)

Friday, October 30, 2009

Hit 'em wit a kitty wig!

So in my immediate group of friends, there is always something that we are kind of obsessing over. And when I say obsessing, I mean it in the most healthy way possible.

But there is always this virus that we have.

There was the Very Potter Musical virus that I blogged about back in August. Not only did we watch clips from it over and over and over again for days, but we got the soundtrack and worked lines from the musical into our daily conversations with people... Oh, and three of my friends are going to our annual Halloween Dance as Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Not from the books or movies. No. They are going as Harry, Ron, and Hermione from A Very Potter Musical. If you're wondering why then you obviously haven't seen the show and you need a good kick to the shin... Not really, I'm sorry. That was rude. In all seriousness, the answer to "why" would be that the musical is far superior to both the books and the movies.

We had a Majide virus over the summer. That's this crazy show where they take a bunch of Americans and put them on a Japanese game show. We actually planned out our own Majide...

An Auto-Tune the News virus. Shor-tayyy.

There have been many other viruses that come and go. Remnants are still around from most of them.

The cool part is that one of us finds something awesome. Usually Deutsch brings something to us that he found one way or another. We get hooked and really just suck whatever it is dry. Then we spread it... And this is where it gets dangerous.

And now our new phenomenon...

I am not even kidding you. Kitty wigs. That's wigs...for kitties.

You haven't really seen anything until you've gone through this book. Cover to cover. Front to back.

And look, I know what you're thinking, "Are you on crack?" And the answer is no. None of us are. You're probably thinking, "Umm, this'll never spread." Wanna bet? I'm telling you, we spread this to our friends and the next thing we know, people are changing their profile pictures on Facebook to pictures of cats with kitty wigs.

These are all relatively normal people, mind you. And to make you more at ease, they are the next generation... :) Nice to meet you.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Easy Bakin'

I'm taking a little break from the features right now. I want to make sure my heart is fully in every post I write about these great people. No worries, though! I still plan on finishing my list.

So #2 bought an Easy Bake oven the other night. It was 1-ish in the morning. I had just gotten home. I was upset about something so I was ranting like a two year old. #1 and #2 were listening like always. They concluded that I needed cookie dough because it solves most problems. I'm not even going to does.

#2 was really deprived as a child. She never had an Easy Bake oven of her own. I don't even think she ever played with one!! Can you believe that?! I almost hopped in her car (I don't have a car) and drove my tush to Texas to find her mom and pops and demand to know why they hadn't gotten her one....Then I realized this was a completely irrational thought.

While in Wally World, she whispered to me, "I really want to get an Easy Bake oven..." Last time she told #1 and a few others about this desire, they were really confused as to why she would spend money on an Easy Bake Oven when we have a real oven. So we decided to make it a top secret mission to get this oven and get it to the cashier before #1 could catch on and talk #2 out of the buy. Did I ever tell you #1 is the brains of our apartment? Maybe not the brains, per say. She's intelligent, sure, but so are #2 and I. #1's the roommate who is ready to bring us back to planet Earth when we start getting all wrapped up in these crazy ideas we come up with. She's the mother-esque roommate, I guess.

We made a bee-line all the way to the toy section. Btw, why the heck are the Easy Bake ovens in the toy section? I mean, what on Earth?! It is an OVEN. It should obviously go in the aisle with the cooking supplies. Duh...

So we grabbed the oven and sneaked our way to the front of the store. The toy section is so inconvenient for top secret missions. It's in the way back left hand corner close to east Egypt so in order to get to the front, one has to travel eleventy billion feet across the entire supercenter.

It was hard...actually...that's a lie. #1 was on the complete opposite side of the store so she was no where to be seen when we were "sneaking." We literally just walked right out in the open to the check-out lines.

We made it to the only two registers open. That would be two registers out of like...134. (Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration.) #2 got in one line, I got in the other. Then #1 comes strolling up and naturally gets in #2's line because "nothing is ever easy."

We did our best hiding the darn thing behind us all the way back to the apartment but #1 isn't an idiot...

Upon opening up the oven and setting everything up, we found out that that jackal of a toy doesn't come with a light bulb! It requires an 100 watt bulb. #2 found a 13 watt. Sure, it'd take a little longer, but it would do!

Ultimately, we decided to just eat the cookie dough and save the Betty Crocker antics for another day.

Anti-Climatic, I'm aware.

So, this is the Easy Bake Oven I had.

And this is what the new Easy Bake Oven looks like.

#2's is blue instead of pink though. I like blue better.

Now, I'm not sure why, but it REALLY bothers me that the old oven's time says 12:30 and the new oven says 12:31. I have no idea why this gets me but I really can't handle it. What are the manufacturers trying to say? That the new ovens are better? And why does changing the time from 12:30 to 12:31 indicate that it's better? Or maybe they just felt like changing the time? But why? Why 12:31? Why not 10:00? Or 6:30? Why 12:31?

I may not sleep tonight...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


This is #1.

She's my roommate and has been for a little over a year now. You know what this means, right? This means that she knows almost EVERYTHING there is to know about me. She might even know things about me that I don't even know. She knows every bad habit and really everything else I rather the world not know about. She knows every flaw. And you wanna know somethin'? She still loves me.

That's really saying something because, trust me, I'm not an easy person to be around all the time. I know that. I can be a real hooligan sometimes. She puts up with me though.

Anyways, #1 is probably the most giving person I've ever met in my entire life. Actually, I take that back. She IS the most giving person I've ever met in my entire life. Whether it be her stuff or her self in the form of some service, she just gives it all to everyone who needs it.

At every single obstacle I've hit since the day we moved in together, #1 has been there. All the little stupid things that shouldn't have bothered me but I worried about. All the big things that made me want to really just throw in the towel. #1 was there with a kind of patience I've never witnessed before. Her friend was going through something and whether it was big or small it meant something to that friend so it meant something to her.

THAT is the kind of person #1 is. She is THE most selfless person I've ever had the honor of knowing. I can truly and honestly say that.

Sometimes, I fear that those who know her have gotten so used to this trait of hers that it becomes expected. I've seen that. I've DONE that!! We forget though that #1 is a rare gift in herself. Her heart is one that is completely free to all of her friends and those friends sometimes forget that...

She still loves us though. No matter what, we are forgiven. She and I got in a little tiffy a week or two ago. Btw, when I get angry...I say things before I think. Things I don't mean. And that happened with her. And it wasn't okay. But you know what she said to me after? She said, "You're still my sister and I love you."


#1 is the person who single-handedly brought me back to Church where I fell in love with Christ again. She is why I am where I am; in a love affair with my Savior. I very firmly believe that God put me in her room for that specific reason. So that she may be an instrument of His to call me back. Oh man..haha, that's a whole another story in itself.

The point is, living with her, getting to know her, and watching her grow has taught me more than I could ever have imagined. #1 has changed my entire life for the better and that is no exaggeration.

*sighs* Honestly, I could go on for days...but I'll leave it here. I think you get the point.

She is just outta this world crazy awesome and I don't deserve her for a second.

PostSecret of the Week

Monday, October 26, 2009


This is Orfenheimer.

 I met him in my Chemistry class my first semester here. He was one of my first friends in college. Smart dude. Helped me out with a few tests in both of the classes we had together.

 Lucky for me, Orfenheimer and I have gotten closer since then. He started hanging around the church on campus with us regularly last finals week and we all realized what we had been missing out on.

  Orfenheimer is a good guy. He has a great sense of virtue that I find is lost in many nowadays. But what I love most about him is his benevolence. Whenever I talk to him, THAT is what I get. Honest compassion and consideration for how I'm holding up. It's just his nature to nurture and protect.

 This is a lot of what a man is, in my eyes. A true man of God.

 That's another thing. I know for a fact that Orfenheimer is consistantly working to grow as a man of God. I can't be sure but I'm confident that this takes up a big part of his heart. To love, to evolve, and to flourish in Christ's light.

 I am truly blessed to have Orfenheimer in my life. He's going to do some EPIC things. As if I haven't already been impressed enough with him thus far, I know he'll come around and do something else greater and even more spectacular one day. Just wait. You'll see.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


This is KW.

 I love this picture that our friend Deutsch took of her. Partly because I think it most truly shows her elegance and partly because I just LOVE her dimples!!

 KW is unlike anyone you have ever met or ever will meet. Between her motley collection of music and movies and her quirky, silly, and saucy personality, she's definitely one-of-a-kind. She is everything real and everything beautiful.

 Her heart is full of compassion and the purist love I've ever seen. A selfless love, I'd say. She pretty much gives and gives and gives expecting not an ounce in return. She forgives over and over to those who hurt her and she continues to love them with a strength that could move mountains. I've learned a lot about loving from her.

 Like most of us, KW has many wounds that are still healing. She remains standing, laughing, and smiling all the same though. Kind of like a soldier. Kind of like my own personal Joan of Arc. I've learned that going to KW in my times of weakness, especially when it comes to loving, leaves me stronger and rejuvenated in an energy that drives me to stand up with a passion five times more fierce than before.

  Simply being in her presence fills my heart with joy. She's always helping me out even when she's going through hard times herself. I look up to KW as my sister in Christ and I'm excited about our friendship growing even more.

 This girl in all of her faith and holiness has pushed me closer to my Savior and for that, I fear I'll never be able to repay her.

 A friend of ours once described KW in a way that I couldn't have put better myself. "She shines with love for Christ, period, no matter what kind of hand life deals her. She is an inspiration and just an absolutely beautiful woman."

 I really couldn't agree more. :)

Friday, October 23, 2009


This is Goof.

He is just accepting that I named him Goof. It was a struggle at first.

Goof and I go way back. I met him when I was 15, I think. I was a freshman, he was a junior. We hung out in the same circle for the most part and became good friends. After a while, Goof went off to college and we kind of went our separate ways. But then, two years ago, I started working at that reception hall at home. Goof had been working there a while before me. Anyway, long story short, we were reunited. Ka-chow!

Goof is a real rascal. Going around work causing havoc and mayhem but always getting the job done. He's got this knack for doing an excellent job where ever he is stationed but still being able to have a good time with it.

This guy has been through a lot in the past two years. But he continues to stand up and keep moving forward no matter how hard it is. Actually, he makes it look quite effortless. Goof's a strong guy and he deserves the very best life has to offer.

His momma sure did raise him right! Goof has always been a real gentleman. My favorite is when he excuses himself for cursing in front of women. It's guys like him that give me hope for this generation and even for future generations because you can bet your life that Goof will be teaching his boys the same manners.

Anyway, the point is that we, as ladies, can recognize a gentleman. And even if we don't always show it, we notice those small things that make a difference. The small things are SO important. When some random guy goes out of his way to hold the door for a girl....that just makes my day. That one gesture probably made that girl's day, too! There have been so many instances where my girl friends will come to me all bouncy and smiley simply because some man held the door open for them, or picked up their book when they dropped it, or gave them a compliment.

Goof is THAT guy. Making people's days just for being a good man. He's got a lot ahead of him and I'm so thankful and blessed to be able to call him my friend.

PS - Goof, you owe me your amazing-ain't-no-other-turkey-sandwich-better-than-this turkey sandwich... Make it happen.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


This is Cray-Cray.

Isn't she pretty?

We all call her Lil-E. Before we dubbed that her name, though, I had already been calling her Cray-Cray on here so that's what she'll stay.

I call her Cray-Cray for two reasons. The first is that she uses that word for crazy people/things. "Oh, he is gettin' a little cray-cray." Something like that. And I thought it was cool and unusual so I used it. The second reason is that Cray-Cray herself is a crazy and silly girl!
Whenever I want to do something completely off the wall or just plain goofy, I can always count that this little lady will be right next to me doing the same thing. If I just want to go outside and dance, she'd not only encourage it, but she'd come right out there with me and do the same. I'm telling you, she's so spectacular!

Cray-Cray has taught me a little of what beauty is. That it's more than just putting your prettiest clothes on or being sweet and kind. That beauty is being REAL with yourself and everyone around you. That the people who genuinely love you, will love all the bad and the good about you. She has taught me that being beautiful means being me.

She has taught me a lot about living, too. That when necessary, it's good to be serious, but if you let the little things constantly get to you,'ll just go plum crazy! The bad kind of crazy, not cray-cray (which, of course, is the good kind of crazy). She has taught me that I should get up and dance if I want to, and that the actual question to most of life's decisions is usually, "Why not?"

Cray-Cray's love for all the little things reminds me of what I have. That the air I breathe and sky above me and the music I hear and the love I feel and all of it are all gifts from our Father in Heaven. I'm a better person for having met her and it is truly and honor to call her my friend.

Cray-Cray came here knowing no one and almost instantly became a part of our family. I think it's safe to say that she has won all of our hearts.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


This is my VBF.

VBF stands for "Very Best Friend"

This guy is one of a kind. He's silly, compassionate, and at times a little creepy. But that's what we love about him!

He is also one of the most patient people I have ever met in my entire life! It's craziness.

Since he became my VBF in January, he's been there for me through everything. We have the goofiest friendship ever and when things start going way south for me, he's always there to brighten up my day in some way. He's someone I know that I could call at any time and he'd be there in a heartbeat.

I am honored to know him. Even through his hardest struggles, he's still out there helping his friends, picking them up, and urging them to move forward.

Why, just last night I was in a real funk. VBF invited my roommate and me to go watch the meteor shower with him. My heart was heavy and I wanted nothing more than to just crawl in my bed and go to sleep. (Plus, it was 2 in the morning and I had to be up by 7:30.) He wasn't having it though. He called me up, got me out of bed, and out into the beautiful night. Thanks to him and #1, I felt much better by the time we got back to the apartment.

Today in class, we were talking on FB chat (while sitting next to each other) and he was asking me how I was doing. As I was explaining myself, I told him that at this point, I feel like I've hit a brickwall.

His response;
"Brick walls happen....just gotta have the sledgehammer to bring them down. And hopefully someone who will step up and help you bust that shit down."

Charming, right? hehe

The point is that my VBF has shown me the purist and truist kind of friendship. A kind of companionship that I will take with me for the rest of my life. I've learned so much from his unselfishness and I have no doubt that he'll teach me so much more of what friendship really means.

Thank you for everything you do, VBF. You are one of the best guys I know.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


This is Hollywood.

She is one of the most internally and externally beautiful women I have ever met. There has been many times where just looking at her or giving her a hug has brought me to tears simply because she's THAT lovely. Literally, I'll see her, walk up, give her a hug, and start crying. Then she starts crying. That may seem strange to you but, to me, it makes complete sense.

I've always been aware of how wonderful Hollywood is. You can see her just working to emulate our Mother Mary in everything she does. But Hollywood's beauty really hit me over the summer when she came and visited 210 one night. We were all laughing and gossiping about everything happening with people we knew on and off campus. Hollywood would see the conversation taking a negative turn and put it back on track. She single-handedly steered all of us clear from saying hateful words. She was protecting us from temptation because she loved us.

That may even seem insignificant or trivial to you. But, to me, the one night changed so much. Ever since that one, "insignificant" night, I've been working my tush off to be aware of what I say and what my friends say about others. Granted, I fail....a lot. But as long as we keep on trying, right? We're human, guys :)

But Hollywood's beauty and grace was just so bright that it radiated from her heart. I remember praying that my heart could shine the same way one day.

This beautiful girl is just genuinely GOOD.

Oh snap...I might start crying. ;)

Oh! And have I mentioned her voice is the most glorious thing I have ever heard?

...because it is.

PostSecrets of the Week

There are a lot that I loved this week.