My car went into the shop to fix that awful dent in the side of it from that wreck in early February.
Got a rental from Enterprise.
That place was crazy the day I went in. There were about 20 people in there and right next to me was a little girl playing some bubble breaking game on her mother's iPhone. iPhone turned to full volume with a game that had LOTS of sounds...
I wanted my life to be over. I wished for the death of me or for that dang iPhone to be smashed into smithereens.
Try that again, little girl. Momma looks away for just a second and BAM! I'LL THROW IT ON THE GRRROOOOOUUUNNNNDDD!
When I have a house, I will have a beautiful garden. It'll be the best darn garden you've ever seen.
I will have the greenest thumb you'v ever seen.
I will be an artist and my front yard will be my canvas.
Gosh, I'm so deep...
In all seriousness, I've actually been keeping a mental note and vision of how I want this future garden to look like. I pick up ideas here and there and every time I see a vase of flowers, I can't help but smile to myself. I love flowers, and I can't wait to put my hands to work in my future yard and create something beautiful!
Yep, sometimes I think I can wear things...but I am so terribly, terribly incorrect it's painful. They say it's all about how you work it. In my case, however, I can't really work anything. I just need to stick to my dresses and flowers and leave the daring things up Rock & Roll bands and Gaga.
That wallet is awesome and completely made out of duck tape by a very talented friend of mine. But the wallet combined with the glasses, combined with my hair cut, and colorful outfit I had on...
I didn't realize it till I looked at myself in the mirror when I got home that afternoon. I was ready to put myself out of my misery.
Note to self: When you think you can pull something off...you can't.
I love blogging. I really do. But being a college student does not allow me to be as active as I would like on here. So for now, all of those infamous bloggers like The Pioneer Woman and Hyperbole and a Half can rest easy. I will not be dominating their fans any time soon because I just don't have the time to build and evolve the blog. But if I did...WATCH OUT!
I know those bloggers were shaking in their trousers. ;)
Anyway, so for this day I'm just going to post a secret from PostSecret because this one particularly moved me.
At Mass last Sunday, our pastor said something that really stayed with me. He said, "I am not okay. You are not okay. But it's okay." Simple enough, right? But it's got a lot of exceptional truth in it. To me anyway, haha! :)
Don't get me wrong. Life is good but this place is not. I love living with all of my heart but I can't wait to move past this life and on to be with my Groom.
Yes, I love to live but living is hard. Life is hard. But it's okay.
And that's how I would always like to see things. I would like to confidently say, "I'm not okay. But it's okay." I'm not some victim but a survivor who is surviving and living hard.
We've all got a cross. We're all bearing something and it hurts and it's painful and we're so, so tired. But know that it's going to be okay and that it is okay. Sometimes we're so deep in that darkness and blur that it's hard to see. I can say with confidence that I know for a fact that everyone reading this has been there. That's just one way we are all connected. I know we've all been here in one way or another so we know this feeling. Some are farther than others but none of you are in that territory alone.
I don't know about you guys but I find no comfort in knowing that I'm not alone when I'm going through a hard time. Someone will say, "Oh, Kelly. Know that you are not alone." And I know that. I understand that I'm not alone but those nights where I found myself in a really dark place, I prayed that I was alone and that no one else would ever have to experience what I was feeling. I wished I was alone. When I'm unhappy, I do not say, "I could be unhappy with someone! Then we could be unhappy together!" That's absurd!
My comfort comes from knowing that there are people who have gone through the same thing and survived it. Knowing that others went through something like I am and have come out on top is where I find peace of mind. To know those people are okay now and possibly better off helps me a great deal.
I am not okay. And neither are you. But it's okay.