Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Yours Truly, The Gullible Fool

For some reason, people are just realizing how much of a scaredy-cat I really am.
It all came out Thursday night when Elizabeth and Ashley played pulled a little pranklet on me.

They do random things all the time, those two. This one time, Elizabeth coordinated a flash dance party in our bedroom while we were all just laying around. I was laying on my bed watching Sex and the City when all of a sudden, Elizabeth, Ashley, and my brother who was in town at the time came in and started dancing around the bed.

Things like that happen here...

Anyway, I was at work Thursday night. I worked till about 9:30ish. I came home, played with the roommates a bit and then started getting ready for bed. Actually, all 3 of us were getting ready for bed. I opened up one of my drawers to get something and saw this staring up at me...

"What is this," I asked Elizabeth.

"I don't know. A skull," she said.

"Why was it in my underwear drawer?!"

"I don't know. Maybe you kept it from the Halloween dance?"

"No...I'm pretty sure I didn't save this little skull head from the Halloween dance. What is this, Lil-E?!"

At this point, Ashley came in. "What is going on," she asked with false concern.

"I found this skull in my underwear drawer. Which one of you put it in there?"

"Wasn't me," they replied in unison. "Maybe Stephanie did it," they suggested.

"Stephanie wouldn't do this."

"Maybe Jason did it," was another suggestion.

"Jason would not go in my underwear drawer...."

Finally, I just gave up. I was not convinced that they didn't do it because I know these two ladies. However, I was willing to give it a rest. I simply put it on Stephanie's dresser and covered it with on of Elizabeth's rags because the darn thing was glow-in-the-dark, and I was not going to have it staring at me all night. I continued to go about my nightly rituals. When I went to get my retainer from it's case, I discovered that my retainer was not there and had been replaced with a second skull.


I freaked out and threw it at Elizabeth who was in bed.

I screamed, "Why would you do this to me?!"

"What?! Don't throw this at me!!!"

Ashley came in again. I fell to the floor half laughing, half freaking out. What can I say? I get spooked fairly easily. Ashley asked what was going on again. I told her I found another skull in my retainer case.

"OMGSH! THIS IS FREAKY! OMGSH! WHO DID THIS?!" That is what they were both saying.

I still did not believe them and their cruel lies. I started going around searching for more of this vermin that was infesting my stuff.

Make-up bag? Skull.

Robe pocket? Skull.

Pillow case? Skull.

Air conditioning vent?! Skull.

"What is going on," I half laughed, half screamed.

Then I proceeded to raid the kitchen. I opened the fridge, the freezer, the microwave, the oven, and then the cabinets and drawers. When I opened one of the cabinets, a full on skeleton hanging from a rope dropped in front of me. I screamed. Ashley came out to see what happened but said she was too scared to look. Ashley looked like she was genuinely as freaked out as I was. And this is where I fell in their trap...

My name is Kelly. And I am a fool.

I jumped on my bed. I was scared, my heart was racing, and I didn't know what the heck was going on. So I cried....

My name is Kelly. And I am a cry baby.

I didn't even know I was crying until both Elizabeth and Ashley paused mid-chaos and asked, "Is she crying?!"

"What?! I'm scared!!" That was all I could say.

I started throwing on clothes and grabbed a few books, my phone, and my car keys. "I'm getting out of here," I proclaimed.

"It's 1:30 in the morning, Kelly. Where are you going?"

I was on my way to the door. "Adoration. I can't stay here."

Elizabeth stood against the door. "You're going to leave us alone."

I took off the chain. "Nope, you have each other."

"You can't leave, Kelly!"

"Oh, yes, I can. I can do whatever I want!!"

"Okay, we have to tell you something...."

And there it was. A full confession that the two ladies I live with were the culprits who scared the very life out of me. They felt terrible after. Apparently, they didn't expect me to be legitimately scared from that. And I mean, it's true. Who get's freaked out over that?!

I am not going to lie to you guys. I was still very much afraid after it was all over. I'm not sure why. Maybe because for a split second I honestly believed some creeper came in to put little, plastic, glow-in-the-dark skulls around my apartment and I just couldn't shake that feeling? Maybe it was because my heart was still racing 4,258,723,045,823 miles a minute. I can't really say. All I know is that the truth came out that night.

My name is Kelly. And I am a gullible, scaredy-cat fool who cries.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Ack! Hairball.

Elizabeth is back! She was gone for a week. The longest week of my young life.

I missed her so much.

We share a bedroom so I had her empty half of the room to look at all week. I was washed over with depression and anxiety from her absence.

What? Too dramatic?


Anyway, so tonight the roommates and I were having some fun girl talk in our room. Ashley was sitting on the floor rubbing her hands in a circular motion on the carpet. While doing this, she collected this massive, grotesque, scary looking hair ball. Hair that had fallen from our delicate little heads and rested in the fibers of our carpet.

Ashley and I are pretty much used to this unfortunate situation that happens to the floor of our apartment every couple of weeks until we vacuum. But Elizabeth...poor girl.... *hangs head*

She saw what was in Ashley's hand and just went crazy.

"What is this?!"

*Falls to the floor to collect her own sample of hair ball.*


"Is this OUR hair?! Is this what happens to everyone's apartment?! Or is it just here?!"

"So every time I lay on the floor, I'm laying in a bed of nasty hair?!"

You see, women with curly, thick hair shed. All three of the women in 210 have heads of thick curls and, well, that is just a recipe for a disastrous carpet. I mean we shed...a lot
We also have to deal with our drains getting clogged. Yes, it may be inconvenient and a little unsettling. But, hey, it's what comes with the deal. If I could help it, believe me, I would.

My hair and I have been battling for years. I threaten to chop it all off virtually everyday if it doesn't cooperate which it never does. It wants to leave a little piece of me every where I go but it just doesn't understand that other people don't want that, you know?

Whatever. Hairballs are dead to me.

Welcome home, Elizabeth!!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Renting Computers is Fun!

My computer had a total meltdown last week. So while I was dealing with it's menopausal issues, I rented a Mac from the library on campus.

The computers you get from the library have files on them that were saved by the students who rented them before you. The girl who rented the computer before me left some special gifts.

For example...

What a gem! That was just a random file left by the previous user on the computer...

After browsing further, I found her.

There she is. She who rented before me.

Now you can put a face to the user.

And a mouth...

I have a strange feeling this girl and I would be really great friends if we knew each other.

Supa Best Friends.

Silly girl, if you are out there...call me. Let's have coffee.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Importance of Family

I have always been a huge advocate for marriage. You see, I come from divorced parents. Coming from this background, I was taught how painful and earth shattering divorce is. (Actually, marriage is a topic I will be writing about soon.)

I am also a huge fan of "the family." I think about it a lot. What are the roles of the father? What are the roles of the mother? What is the role of the family as one, single unit? Because that's what a family is -- one unit.

How different would the world be if everyone understood the importance of "the family?"

I have been reading Father Fiction; Chapters for a Fatherless Generation by Donald Miller and, I'm going to be completely honest with you, it's been difficult. The book has been gently pushing me to dig deeper into my heart to surface thoughts and feelings I purposely locked away long ago. As painfully cliche as that sounds...ick.

In Father Fiction, Miller talks about a book he read a while back that was written by Dwight D. Eisenhower called At Ease: Stories I Tell to Friends. In it, Eisenhower portrayed a inspiring sense of confidence. Donald wrote, "And more than this, he believed the world needed him--that if he didn't exist, things would fall apart. He believed he was called to be a great man. I wondered, as I read, where he got this confidence."

Miller found the explanation for this confidence early in the book. Dwight explained that from an early age, his "parents assumed, and taught their children, that if their children weren't alive, their family couldn't function." His parents made him feel like he was needed and, therefore, he believed he was. The man went on to become the 34th President of the Unites States of America. Dude...

What would the world be like if every child was raised according to this idea? The idea that they were vital to their family, to their community, and to this world.

Donald Miller comes from a very similar background as me. He came from a single mother who worked her behind off for him and his sister. I came from a single mother who worked her behind off for me and my brother. His dad was hardly in the picture while he was growing up and the same goes for mine.

Consequently, I grew up thinking the exact opposite of Eisenhower and, apparently, so did Miller. He saw how hard his mom worked for him and that left him feeling like a burden rather than some vital part of his family. My mom would fight her hardest to make me feel otherwise but, though she never complained once, I saw how emotionally and physically tired she was. And I knew it was because of me.

"The ramifications of believing something as untrue as this are extensive," says Donald. I couldn't agree more. I never once attributed my mother's exhaustion to the lack of husband and father. In my eyes, it was always because of my existence.

Though I realize today that I was very wrong about all of it, I still subconsciously worry about being a hindrance. I don't ever call anyone to keep me up when ever I have to make those long, late night drives to or from Covington, New Orleans, or Baton Rouge. I was dating a guy a while back who asked me to set a pace in the relationship I was comfortable at and I just couldn't do it. Things remained at a complete standstill because I didn't want to be too needy and I didn't want any pressure from me to burden him. And I always felt terrible during the semester when my guy friends had to walk me out to my car that was parked practically in East Egypt. At times, I even went so far as to lie and say I was parked right outside.

I am fully aware that those thoughts are illogical. And look, I'm certainly not trying to pull a sympathy card. God knows the cross I carry is lighter than most. My point is that perhaps Eisenhower had it right. Maybe what we are all really searching for is belonging. Maybe he was right in that the world could be fixed of its problems if every child understood the necessity of their existence.

[The Holy Family! My fave!]

Just some ideas to chew on.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

A chazer bleibt a chazer

My roommates and I have been watching Sex and the City. (That show is another blog post entirely.)

In the show, Charlotte, the brunette, marries a Jewish man. There are a couple of episodes where she starts researching and learning about Judaism. Also, there is a bit of Jewish slang thrown around like schmuck, putz, schmoe, etc. 

The show literally influenced a Yiddish phenomenon...in our apartment. In the past 48 hours apartment 210's vocabulary has reached all new heights. Hebrew expressions, some of which have very recently been discovered to be actually vulgar, are being thrown all over around here.

When we go to bed or see each other it's, "Shalom!"

There is an occasional "Mazel tov!" every now and then.

Someone will impulsively shout out "Oy!" for good measure.

#2 even said something was "schmaltzy" last night. She later explained "schmaltzy" means cheesy but who honestly knows?

What does the title of this post even mean?!
Something inspiring, probably.... ;D

I don't know when the exact moment was when we picked up this new diction but it happened. Oh, did it happen... 

Nitra'e bekarov!

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Holy...Ghost

I hit a bird today. I hit a bird with my car.

But you see...it wasn't just a bird.

It was a dove.

A dove!! You know? The pure, symbolic depiction of the Holy Spirit?

PEOPLE! I killed the Holy Spirit with my car today!!

I was on my way to mass -- yes, mass -- when I saw a little dove fly in front of my car and then out of the way. Then the bird became indecisive and decided to fly back in front of the car.


I've never hit an animal before in my life. And what is my first road kill experience?! THE. HOLY. SPIRIT.

The Big Kahuna.

I turned around to see if I could find it and help it. I parked on the shoulder of the road by the lakes on campus and walked around searching. I couldn't find him. He probably tried flying to some place quiet. To DIE.

When I got to church, I prayed really hard for the dove. I was devastated. I am devastated. Because he was just minding his own business and I hurt him....killed him even.

I murdered the Holy Spirit today.

I need a minute...

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Da Ugly Truth

ANNOUNCEMENT: I just wanted to give you guys a heads up that I changed the URL address for the ole blog here. What was formerly kellygirl89.blogspot.com is now misskellykyle.blogspot.com

"What the hoozle," you ask? Well first of all, you should never say hoozle again... It's not even a word. Secondly, I changed the URL address because I just wasn't feeling the first. In the words of Cray-Cray, "I do what I want."

Okay, back to business.

I have some good news! I am officially finished with summer school! Yesssss!

And so the heavens shall open, the angels shall sing, and goldenglow moths shall dance with the stars above!!!

[Goldenglow Moth]

What I'm trying to say is now I will have more time to write on here! I'll be able to keep things interesting and not go MIA like I have been. I dream of a day where I will be able to write lively, engaging blog posts everyday! What a life that would be! Oh, the possibilities!!!!!!

Sorry... Look, I suffer with severe Dramaticosous. That is a disease that causes it's victims to have uncontrollable urges to dramatize everything....EVERYTHING.

But for real, I would love to write everyday. This one girl in one of my summer classes posted a new entry on her blog every single day. I would know because she wrote them in class, and I sat next to her. I was so impressed with her. It was a little inspiring to see this little lady expressing herself every day on her little blog. A blog I figured was just like mine. You know. Intellectually stimulating, serious, a lot of depth.... Pffft. Okay, so maybe that's not what I write about on here but I assumed she did. I was really interested in finding out so after breaking probably about 1000 privacy laws, I found her blog.

I'm not sure what I was expecting exactly.....

but this is what I got...

I'm not sure where to even begin. The entire blog was about how she was a promiscuous woman living in a man's world and how she was different from other women who were...loose...because she was selective in her lewdness...or something...

I'm not sure what the message was...but the blog title is right...Homegirl's just writing about what she believes to be "da ugly truth." I'm not lying. It was UG-LY.

Do not fear, though. I did not pick up any ideas from her site. She writes what she knows, and I'll stick to writing what I know...which are stories drowned in a tub filled to the brim with Dramaticosous.

And that, my hearts, is "da ugly truth."

Monday, July 5, 2010

Accident Prone

Did you know that red heads have a higher tolerance for pain? It's true.

Sometimes I'd like to think that that fact is not solely restricted to physical pain and that, in reality, red heads are superior in every way. However, I know that I won't be able to prove that even if it is true.

As a kid, I always had bruises on my shins and knees. Wouldn't even phase me. Trip over something? No big. Fall off the play ground? Whatever. Get hit by a car? Please...child's play.

Today I am just as accident prone, if not more. I'm just clumsy sometimes. And, also, I'm unlucky. I'm really good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's one of my things.

My mother is well aware of my...problem. She has always made sure I have my insurance card on me when I leave the house.

I went ice skating in Houston, Texas a few years back and when I called my mom to tell her, all she said was, "Okay, Kelly. Please make sure you have your insurance card."

When I go on any vacation. "Don't forget your insurance card!"

Off to the mall. "Kelly, please be careful. Do you have your insurance card?"

When I go to use the restroom. "Bring your insurance card, Kelly!"

If I ever get robbed, I'll make sure they give me a second to take that insurance card out before I hand the whole wallet over. It's no good to them anyway.

I've simply been accident prone from the very beginning. I fall, I trip, and I run into things. I always have bruises and/or scrapes. Some people find it frustrating and I admit, I can be quite a hand full in that way. Hey, what can I do?

I'm a red head, though. It's a scientific fact that I'm just naturally tough. So bring on the on coming traffic, the roots to trip over, and the steps to fall down. I can take it.

And if I can't...well...I've always got my insurance card.