Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Whole Truth

I went to traffic court today.

Let me just tell you, it was quite an experience. Luckily for me, I was not being prosecuted for anything. Remember that car accident a while back? Well the woman who hit me was being prosecuted and my mother asked me to go to court to testify as a witness. I was a bit nervous going. Deutsch let me use his car. I drove around for about ten minutes trying to find a darn parking spot. Finally, I found one over in Western Russia by a parking meter. I put ever cent I had into that little sucker.

I parked at about 8:55 AM and court was scheduled for 9:00 AM so I power walked like a mad woman to the courthouse. When I walked in, I went to the big sign that tells you what floor everything is on and looked for my courtroom. Courtroom 1087. Of course, the board had no information regarding its whereabouts so then I started to worry. At that second, the maintenance man came up to me and asked if I needed help. (God is amazing, isn't He? People are good.) I politely and embarrassingly asked him where my courtroom was and he gave me directions on how to get there.

Taking the elevator was fun. Jam packed with lawyers, scary people, and that wonderful fragrance of cigarette smoke. Yippee!! The woman next to me didn't know English and kept asking me questions in Spanish that I couldn't understand. I just made up questions she could be asking in my head and answered those. Tried to do some made up sign language to break that barrier and wound up smacking the guy next to me in the shoulder. He had a tear drop tattooed on his face... I almost peed myself. The Hispanic woman looked at me like I was a complete idiot and walked off the elevator muttering Spanish things to herself. I giggled because Spanish spoken angrily is really funny....or maybe I'm just a child. Either or.

I got to the courtroom which was packed with people. The second I opened the door, everyone's heads snapped to look at me. (They did that to every person that walked in after me, I observed.) There were two seats available. Either next to the guy with the dreads who looked like Li'l Wayne's long lost twin or next to this little blonde woman with a floral jacket on. I chose the woman specifically because I figured she'd be more likely to answer any questions I was probably going to have about what was going on in the courtroom process and Li'l Wayne's brother looked like he wanted to shank me. I wanted to apologize to him for making him so angry. Then I realized I didn't do anything... THAT'S power, I'm tellin' ya!

I looked around for the lady who hit me but couldn't find her. The process didn't start til 9:30 AM. I spent the half hour surfing the internet on my phone, staring in awe at the big, intimidating lawyer men, and trying to eavesdrop on cops to hear the jokes they were saying. Turns out, the woman never showed and they issued a bench warrant for her arrest. NBD.

Look, I thought I was pretty gangsta but I don't have anything on her. So thug nasty...


  1. You made my day! Thanks for sharing this very witty post. ^^

  2. You are gangster. That's probably why she didn't show - didn't wanna be one-upped by Mz. Kellay.