Monday, August 23, 2010

Mall Rats

I really like animals. I've always loved the zoo, watching wild life documentaries, and so on. I will probably always have a pet as long as I live. Because I love them.

My favorite species of animal, though, are the Homo Sapien Sapiens.

Yeah...that's science for humans.

I believe that we are the most interesting, the most amusing, and the most entertaining breed there ever was.

Have any of you ever people watched? For even just a few minutes?! Lawdy, Miss Claudy, people are hysterical!

Let me recount what I have observed.

The other day I was at the mall shopping for some practical belts. (I added this detail because I know you were wondering why I was there.) On my way out, I see this guy out of the corner of my eye flailing his arms and grunting. At first I thought he was just dancing but after closer inspection, it looked more like he was fighting a bear. He was swatting and screaming, "What the hell?! Leave me alone!" I am not even kidding. Turns out he was battling a bumble bee and he was certainly not winning. For a half a second I contemplated going to help him... But really...What was I going to do? Hold my hand out and tell the bee to stop? Was I going to attempt to take on the bee? I felt really bad for the guy but you know what? It was one of the most hilarious things I've seen in a long time. Who will win?! Man? or Bee?

That same day, I pulled out of the mall parking lot and stopped at the next traffic light. While I was waiting for the light to turn green, this gigantic truck pulled up next to me. The guy had completely "pimped" it out. It had tinted windows with the front two rolled down, blue lights, and a BLASTING stereo system. The driver rolled up with his hat on backwards and his black muscle shirt, gripped the top of the steering wheel, looked at me through his sunglasses, and did that weird half nod guys do. I cracked up laughing the rest of the way back. Not out of cattiness. No. Purely out of amusement at the whole silly situation. First I see this guy in a full out brawl with a bumble bee and then I have this other guy in a black muscle shirt half nodding me in the truck to my left.

Good times.

My most recent observation was a couple of days ago when I was shopping (Yet again because I have a severe problem which I completely blame Elizabeth and Ashley for. ;D) with Elizabeth. We were upstairs in Urban Outfitters where they have all their apartment decor. We were just browsing when we heard this loud shatter right behind us. We turned around and see remains of what was once some kind of big glass fixture all over the ground under the shelf it once resided on. Against this shelf was a girl in a bean bag with her mouth and eyes wide open. The girl got up slowly and then BOLTED. She motored right down the stairs and out the door before anyone could stop her. I wonder who did it?

I love humans. I love them so much. When they get upset in traffic, when they run from cops, when they fight bees. All of it. I'll never stop loving them. Know why? Because they are brilliantly funny. Brilliantly.

1 comment:

  1. People watching is the best! Recently I saw a young mother and her three daughters shopping at the dollar store. Each little girl had picked out two or three items to pay with their own money. I've never seen three kids more excited!