Monday, March 22, 2010

Tough Love

There has been something legitimately bothering me lately and I want to talk to you about it. Because I like to tell you what's on my heart. Because I feel like you and I are on that level.

It's because I like you. A lot.

If our paths cross soon, I'd like you to tell me if you agree or disagree with what I say in this post. Okay?

So I've noticed a certain habit among a surprisingly large number of people I have encountered in the past few months. I find this tendency in myself, as well, so keep in mind that I am equally at fault.

I'm talking about the exceedingly irritating habit of playing the victim.


You know what I'm referring to, right? I'm talking about the "poor me" type, the "self-pitying" type, and the like. It's terrible!!

Since when does everyone prefer to play the victim over the hero?! I call this the "victim personality." People with this type of nature find themselves as the victim of most situations that they are in. Think really long and hard if this has ever been you. I'm going to be completely honest with you right now. Because remember? You and I are tight. I have totally played the victim card a time or two. It's because I'm human and I'm SUPER flawed.

I am not sure why I have done this. I'm not sure why others do it. Is it because we want that affection and attention? Is it because we just don't want to get up and conquer a situation on our own? Maybe we're scared to do it alone? I mean, what is it?

It usually doesn't start off with someone just immediately assuming the role of the sufferer. Usually something truly painful happens and they are seriously hurt. However, time goes on but they don't move forward. They kind of just hang back at the pity party they have thrown themselves. Have you ever attended a pity party you've thrown for yourself? Well, if not, take my word on it that it is awful not only for you but for everyone you invited.

From here comes those of us who then adopt the lifelong, self-proclaimed label as the victim. I'm telling you right now. That is a serious problem. A problem I would even venture to call toxic for our generation and the future generations that will follow.

I say enough is enough.

Yes, most of us have been hurt in our lifetime. No matter how big or small the events are that leave us in pain, they are important to us, nonetheless. Something that happened to someone else that may seem pretty minuscule to you and me may have been truly traumatizing to them. We can never know how heavy each other's crosses are.

I completely agree in saying that grief is vital in healing. If you want to cry; I say cry. If you want to scream; I say scream. Get it out. Be upset. Mourn. Giving up the role of survivor is important on the journey to healing. However, there is a point after this stage is finished where we need to stand up, look our problems in the face, and take them down.

We are not victims. We need to stop acting like the victims. As sons and daughters of God Almighty, we are warriors and we are survivors.

Bad things have happened to me, too, okay? I have been hurt and there are battles I am still struggling with. But I am no victim. I'm working on it because I am a fighter and so I will fight.

We are heroes, people. We are strong.

Whether it's self-esteem issues, a heartbreaking event, or some internal struggle, we need to start moving forward. Let's ditch the pity parties. Let's wipe away our tears.

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself and, frankly, I'm sick of the people who feel sorry for themselves from problems and situations that have happened years ago.

Let's deal with them already! Sure, it's not going to be effortless. And no, it isn't as simple as just getting over it. But it is as easy as trying and taking that first step to freedom.

This is just me giving some tough love to the people I love. I hate seeing your heart broken. I hate having to sit back and watch you fight a battle I can't help you with. In many cases, the only things that can heal you from your pain is yourself and Christ. There is nothing I can do when you are being called to be your own hero.

One more thought. Sorry, I know this is getting long and if you've made it this far, you're a saint.

Please do not misunderstand what I'm saying. When I say stand up and move forward, I don't mean alone. We need each other. I need someone to lean on and so do you. If we all help each other carry our crosses, we could get through virtually anything. Our relationships with each other are extremely important. I can't stress that enough.

So that's my rant. Let's stand up and do this. Who's with me?!